I wannas sexs uuuuu
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
