I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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