I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
