a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
