i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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