the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
