Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
