In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
