i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize