R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
