I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
