Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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