I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
