ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
