Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize