your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
