You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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