Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize