I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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