On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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