You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
