I'm gonna have a badass scar
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
