He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
