ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
