can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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