You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
