It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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