return my video game
okay pat passed out under dana's car
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
