I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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