lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
