I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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