booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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