Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
