An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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