She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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