i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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