do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
