I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
