Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
