Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
operation have a gay friend backfired
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
