I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
