I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
