he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
