Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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