Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
