So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
