so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
