I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
