maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
