got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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