Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm like, not good at living.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
