My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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