worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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