How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
