So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
