My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize