im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
