I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
