I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
