You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
