Plan B is the new Plan A
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
