i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
