i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
