Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
