I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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