my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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