First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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