What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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