saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
