You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
