You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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