My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm both gender and math confused
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
