White coat. Heels.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
