Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
