I love black thongs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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