if i can run in heels then i can drive
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
