Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
